Drunk in Denmark
by longlostwriter
Summary: Human AU. Berwald, Tino, and Lukas are all visiting Mathias in his home country. He decides to take them out to see the nightlife, and an unexpected Nordic gets very drunk. Inspired by true events. SuFin and DenNor, with a little bit of DenFin.
1. Chapter 1

The four men sat around Mathias' kitchen table, sipping beers as the entrancing melodies of Danish pop rock played through the apartment. Mathias was sitting lazily, one arm draped over the back of his chair, the other bringing a bottle to his lips. He drank greedily as Lukas scoffed. The Norwegian was sitting to the right of Mathias, fiddling with the label on his beer. Across from these two sat Berwald and Tino, holding hands under the table. Berwald's ears were bright red, a side effect of drinking excessively. Tino much preferred to be sober, so he brought a few sodas for the night. The box of beer Mathias had bought earlier was nearly empty, mostly consumed by himself and Berwald. The night sky outside was perfectly clear; a dark gloss that seemed to stretch on forever.

"So," Mathias began, setting his bottle down on the table. "I have a great idea."

"Thanks for the warning," Lukas said, rising quickly from the table. Mathias caught his arm before he could leave, bringing him back down to his chair.

"Today is Saturday night –"

"No shit," Lukas interrupted, earning a sharp bark of laughter from the Dane.

"Thanks, Luke." The Norwegian scowled as Mathias continued. "What I was getting at is that the nightlife in Copenhagen is _fantastic_ on Saturday nights. I know my way around the capital pretty well, so I was thinking of taking you guys out to see some of my favourite bars."

Berwald unlaced his fingers from Tino's to glance at his watch. "'t's alm'st 1am," he said.

"Which is the perfect time to go out," Mathias said eagerly.

"I don't think so," Lukas sniffed, rising from the table once more with his empty bottle. "I think we've drank enough tonight."

Mathias let out a loud groan. "You guys have to see it," he said, turning to Tino and Berwald instead. "Copenhagen is awesome, trust me!"

"I believe you," Tino said gently, a wane smile on his face. "But we have things to do tomorrow, so –"

The Dane held up a finger as polished off the rest of his beer. "How about we only go out for an hour," he suggested, after swallowing the rest of his drink. "I'll take you guys out long enough to see the town, but not so late that you're tired tomorrow."

"Th't's…" Berwald looked up at Lukas, who was leaning on the doorway to the kitchen, eyebrows raised. "Th't's n't a bad idea."

"Perfect," Mathias grinned. "That makes two of us. Tino, wanna make it three?"

He looked to the ceiling before letting out a quiet sigh. "Sure." Lukas' mouth fell open as if to say something, but he quickly shut it when Mathias turned in his chair to face him. His mouth was stretched into a glowing smile, waiting for Lukas to say something. Finally, he threw his hands into the air.

"Fine! But _so help me, Dane,_ if you don't have us back by 2am -"

"No sweat," he beamed, getting to his feet. "Let's go guys, we haven't a moment to lose!"

After a five-minute cab ride, the fantastic four had landed in Nyhavn. Mathias walked through the crowed easily, ducking under raised glasses and stepping over fallen drunks. Lukas followed on his heels, trying to ignore the rich smell of tobacco and _special tobacco _that wafted in the street. Berwald clutched Tino's hand, making sure he didn't get too far. The Dane brought them to the first pub that had an empty table outside. The sounds of loud singing and guitar could be heard inside, which explained the lack of people on the patio.

"Traditional Danish music," he explained to Tino, who was bobbing his head to the tune. "I'll teach you the song sometime!"

Lukas, Berwald, and Tino took their seats as Mathias went to order beers. Lukas sat with his arms crossed, surveying the scene. He honestly thought it was a beautiful area of town, though he would never admit that to Mathias. Tino was on cloud nine, smiling and waving to all the men and women who stumbled past. The Swede pulled Tino closer, narrowing his gaze to anyone that seemed a little _too_ interested in his 'wife'.

Mathias suddenly returned with four large glasses of Danish brew, and set them down in front of his friends. He raised his glass before anyone drank, and toasted the night.

"To great friends, and an even greater city. Skål*!"

Tino cautiously eyed his beer. He looked up at Berwald, who leaned down and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"S'alright," he murmured. "One beer won't h'rt ya."

As the music picked up inside, the atmosphere of their table changed. Lukas and Berwald relaxed into their chairs and listened as Mathias told them great stories of history and battle in Denmark. Tino's attention span slowly began to waver as he drank deeper and deeper into his pint. He could already feel the effects of the alcohol starting – the edges of his vision became a little hazy, and his body was buzzing lightly. _This is why I don't drink_, he thought to himself. Nevertheless, he drank the rest of his pint and smiled up at Berwald.

"I feel great," he giggled, toying with the Swede's hair.

"One drink sh'ld do ya," he replied, taking a swig of his own. "Yer a l'ghtw'ght."

"Break it up, guys!" Mathias teased. "We've got a few more stops to make and we don't have a lot of time left. Let's get going."

Tino got up to his feet, feeling uneasy. Berwald took his arm firmly, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Do ya w'nt t' go b'ck n'w?"

"No, no," he replied, gently pushing the Swede's hand away. "Only one more stop, then we can go back."

Berwald took hold of Tino's hand and began leading him up the street, following Lukas and Mathias to discotheque. Tino was absolutely giddy, wound up by the contagious atmosphere and the delicious beer in his belly. It was hot inside the disco, lit only by the colourful laser lights that flashed through the dense crowd. The music here was loud and thumping, a constant rhythm that made it easy for intoxicated dancers to follow the beat. Lukas shuffled close to Mathias to avoid a scantily clad woman that staggered past. Mathias grinned and wrapped his arm around the Norwegian's slender waist.

"Hey there," he purred. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"_Get off,_" the Norwegian hissed, pushing away from Mathias. The Dane laughed and grabbed a round of drinks, sliding a pint into Lukas' hand. He quickly left him standing there with a cold drink while he gave the other beers to Berwald and Tino.

"Oh boy, another drink?" Tino quickly took the bottle from Mathias and chugged a mouthful. Mathias laughed and Berwald's eyes narrowed.

"Easy," the Swede warned. "Yer n't built t' be dr'nk'n this m'ch."

"Aww, don't worry Berber," Tino wrapped an arm around him. "I'll be fine!"

"Have fun, lovebirds!" Mathias waved. "Lukas is at the bar, I'm off to see him." Without another word, the Dane had vanished into the crowd. When he appeared back beside Lukas, he gave him a playful wink.

"Hey sexy. Maybe after we could head back to my place and –" Mathias made a series of hand and body movements that made Lukas smack him upside the head.

"Don't do that in public!"

The Dane massaged the back of his head, his smile unbroken. "In private is okay though?"

"This may be the alcohol talking," Lukas began, tracing his hand teasingly across the lip of his bottle as Mathias's eyes followed every movement. Lukas smirked, his voice dropping to a whisper that only Mathias could hear.

"I'll meet you in your bed tonight."

"**Skål": **Means "cheers" in Scandinavia.


	2. Chapter 2

"Another bar?" Tino exclaimed as the Nordic men stumbled out of the disco. "I can't wait!"

"I'm surprised, Tino." Denmark said, smiling down at the smaller Finnish man. "I never really took you for a partier, but you're drinking like a true Dane!"

"Mathias, it's been an hour," Lukas said, checking his watch. "You said we'd be back to your apartment by now."

"Aww," Tino's face fell. "Not even one more bar?" His eyes drifted from Lukas to Berwald, who was sitting on a bench by the harbor, his face in his hands.

"I think Berwald is a little too drunk," Mathias smirked. "Typical.*"

The Swede raised head to glare at Mathias. He sighed and slowly stood up from the bench.

""M dr'nk," he slurred. "I kn'w my w'y b'ck to yer ap'rtm'nt, M'thias."

"There's no way you can walk back," the Dane stated. "I swear, you probably don't even know your left from your right."

"I'll take him back," Lukas suggested. "As long as you pay the cab fare."

"Deal," Mathias beamed. "I'll take Tino out for one more drink, then we'll be on our way home." He looked down the street and hailed a cab with a sharp whistle and a wave of his hand. The car pulled up, and Mathias helped Berwald stagger into the car. The driver grimaced as the Swede was dumped into the backseat.

"Is he gonna be sick?"

"Nah," Mathias replied, giving Berwald a quick pat on the back. "He does this all the time." He shut the back door and turned to Lukas, who held his hand out expectantly.

"Right, the fare." Mathias quickly reached into his wallet and pulled out a tattered 100kr bill. He leaned in close to Lukas as he placed the money in his hand.

"Wait up for me," he whispered. "I'll see you in my bed."

Lukas narrowed his eyes at the Dane, but there was no denying the redness that crept up in his cheeks. Without a word, he got into the passenger seat and slammed the door. The car took off, leaving behind only Mathias and Tino.

"And then there were two," Mathias smiled, clapping a hand on Tino's back. "I've got a great place to show you, come with me."

Tino trotted alongside Mathias, occasionally stumbling over the cobblestone sidewalk. The Dane led him into a small, dingy bar. The air was thick with smoke and the smell of stale beer. Tino fought the urge to cough as Mathias walked up to the bartender and began speaking in Danish. Tino didn't understand a thing, but still listened to the slur of sounds that fell from Mathias' mouth. The bartender laughed and brought a bottle of liquor from under the bar. He poured out four shot glasses, and handed them to Mathias.

Tino cringed as the Dane handed him two glasses of what looked like dirt water. He looked up at Mathias, waiting for an explanation.

"It's a licorice shot," he said with a smirk. "Ever had one?"

"No," Tino breathed, leaning in to smell the liquor. It gave off a pungent, menthol smell, and it made Tino's eyes water.

Mathias laughed as Tino coughed away from the shot. "Bottoms up," he said, and tilted the first shot into his mouth. He swallowed and shook his head quickly before downing the second.

_When in Rome_, Tino thought, as he raised the first glass to his lips.

"Say goodbye to your friends, Tino," Mathias urged, hanging onto a bar stool for support. "Time to head back."

"There you are!" Tino slurred, grabbing Mathias' arm and pulling him closer. He turned to the two people he was standing with, and pointed a finger to Mathias.

"This is my cousin," beamed Finland. "He took me out to see the nightlife. I got _drunk_."

The pair laughed, and one of them wiped away an invisible tear from under his eye before speaking. "Ah, your cousin is _très funny, mon ami_."

"That means funny," Tino piped up, looking up at Mathias with half-lidded eyes. "Francis is from France. He's been teaching me French. How neat!"

"But of course!" Francis replied. "If I was not to be married in a year, I'd take your cousin home with me tonight." He winked at Tino, which earned a smack to the arm by his brown-haired comrade.

"With that attitude, maybe you won't be getting married at all," the brunette said.

"Ah, _mon dieu_," Francis said, turning to the man. "This is the love of my life, Antonio."

"He's from Spain!" Tino said, turning to Mathias again. "I'm meeting so many new people tonight!"

"That's great," Mathias said, keeping a weary eye on the French man. "But it's time to go."

"Sorry, guys!" Tino said as Mathias began pulling him towards the door. His heels dragged against the floor and his arms waved frantically. "Skååål!"

"For fanden*," Mathias breathed, once they were out on the street. "How drunk are you?"

"This is –" Tino staggered into the Dane's arms. "—The _most drunk_ I've ever been."

Mathias helped Tino stand straight before taking hold of his hand. Tino tried to pull it away, but Mathias held on.

"Ber—"

"Berwald won't care," Mathias said with a smile. "We're good friends. I'm not trying to seduce you, although you don't need to feel bad if you can't resists. I'm just making sure you get back safely."

Tino smiled, tightening his grip on the Dane's hand. They began their walk towards the main road, trying to find a cab. Tino was swaying and walking all over the sidewalk, occasionally stepping into the bike lane. Mathias had to pull him out of the way several times, trying to keep him from getting run over by a cyclist.

"I see…" Tino mumbled, pointing up ahead. "There's two of everything."

Mathias laughed, following Tino's gaze to the lights and sounds of Nyhavn.

"There isn't two of everything," the Dane explained lightly. "It's just the alcohol."

"I'm _not _drunk," Tino said indignantly. He tripped once more, nearly pulling Mathias to the ground with him. "I'm not drunk," he repeated; as if saying so would make him sober. Mathias hailed a cab, and helped Tino into the back seat.

"_Déja vu_," he joked, buckling up the Finn's seatbelt. "Too bad your French friend isn't here."

"Who?" Tino slurred. "I don't speak French."

"_Wow_," Mathias mouthed to himself as he closed the door. He hopped into the passenger seat and gave the directions to the driver. The car took off and started down the road. Tino's eyes widened as he stared out the windshield. _The lights are moving so quickly! Where are we? What's going on?_

Tino looked away from the window, and instead to Mathias, who was laughing and joking with the cab driver. Of course, they were speaking Danish. Tino tried his best to understand what they were talking about, but it was impossible.

Suddenly, the car stopped. Mathias paid the driver and got out of the vehicle.

"Don't leave me!" Tino shrieked, unbuckling his seatbelt. "Mathias!" He threw open the car door and fell onto the street. Mathias rushed over and helped him to his feet.

"Hey, calm down! I was coming to get you." Mathias waved away the cab and then dusted off Tino's clothes. "Are you well?"

"Where are we?" the Finnish man groaned, looking around the neighborhood.

The Dane stifled a laugh. "We're at my place."

Tino protested weakly, slurring in Finnish as Mathias lead him towards his apartment building. As he fished for the keys to the building door, Tino started to stagger away.

"Helvede*," Mathias muttered, shoving his keys into his pocket. "Where are you going?"

Tino rounded the corner, and Mathias could hear his horrible retching as he emptied the contents of his stomach on the sidewalk. _Berwald is gonna kill me_, Mathias thought, running a hand through his wild hair. He approached the Finnish man and stood a few feet away, watching to make sure he didn't fall over or pass out. After a few more gagging sounds, Tino turned and walked balk to Mathias, a sheepish grin on his face.

"I puked."

"I know, I saw."

"**Typical": **Beer is very expensive in Sweden, so most Swedes cross the bridge to Denmark on the weekends to get drunk. This was a play on the fact that most Swedes we see in Denmark are drunk.

"**For fanden": **Danish swear, basically means "hell".

"**Helvede": **Danish swear. Again, this one means "hell".


	3. Chapter 3

Mathias and Tino rode the elevator up to the 16th floor. Tino groaned when they came to a nauseating stop, his stomach threatening to make him sick again.

"It's better to throw up now than hold it in," Mathias said, easing Tino out of the elevator. "Trust me, I know."

"I'm never visiting Denmark ever again," Tino moaned as Mathias opened his apartment door.

"Alright," Mathias whispered, ignoring the last comment. "Everyone's asleep, you gotta be quiet. Do you need to puke?"

"No."

"Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"Yes."

"Alright, come with me." Mathias opened the door to the bathroom, but left the light off. He leaned against the door, waiting for Tino to move.

"Well?" Mathias said. "You can go now."

"But I can't see," Tino said, and the hilarity of the situation made him giggle.

"The light will make you sick. You need to go in the dark."

"But Mathias, _I can't see_."

"For poker*. Fine, I'll help you. But I'm won't touch your bits, so you're gonna have to sit down."

Tino agreed, and began to unbutton his pants. A few moments passed. Tino fidgeted with the button to no avail. Mathias groaned and reached over to take off his pants. _This is so wrong, this is so wrong. Now Berwald's really gonna kill me_.

After a few minutes of painfully awkward bathroom business later, Tino was drying his hands on the towel by the sink.

"One last time, Tino. Do you need to puke?"

"No."

"Okay. You can go to sleep then." The Dane took the Finn's hand and brought him to the guest bedroom. The door creaked open, revealing Berwald's sleeping figure in the large bed. A light snore came from under the covers.

"Sweet dreams," Mathias blew a kiss to Tino and left, shutting the door gently behind him. Tino blinked, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room. A small light in the corner of the room gave him enough visibility to kick off his shoes and stumble to the bed. He collapsed beside Berwald, fully clothed, his head spinning violently. Berwald jumped, sitting up to look at who woke him. He reached for his glasses on the bedside table. He put them on and peered at the drunken Finn.

"T'no?" he whispered, reaching a hand to touch his wife's pale skin. He groaned and turned away, sliding off the bed and crawling towards the door.

"Hey!" Berwald said, beginning to scramble out of bed. "Wh't's wr'ng? T'no?"

"I need to puke," Tino moaned, feeling across the floor, his eyes screwed shut.

Berwald hurried over and picked him up as gently as he could, rushing him to the bathroom. He flicked on the light, and the sudden brightness made Tino's stomach lurch. He scrambled out of Berwald's arms and clutched the porcelain eagerly, dipping his head into the bowl. Berwald sat beside him patiently, rubbing his back and flushing the toilet every few minutes. Tino stopped retching, and was silent for a few moments. He then began to snore.

Berwald stood quietly; making sure Tino was sound enough to leave for a few minutes. He then strode out of the bathroom, straight to Mathias' bedroom.

He burst through the door, unconcerned of what he saw when his eyes adjusted to the scene. Mathias let out a yelp and quickly grabbed his blankets to cover himself and Lukas, who was seething.

"You know, there's this thing people do in the 21st century," Lukas flared. "It's called knocking!"

"Holy shit, Berwald," Mathias breathed, rubbing his eyes. "What's got you so worked up?"

"T'no," the Swede growled. "My T'no is dr'nk."

"So were you," Mathias retorted, a faint smile on his lips. "You can't be hypocritical like that, Berwald. So Tino drank a little too much, so what! He's on vacation. It's not like he does this on a regular basis."

Berwald held his angered gaze on Mathias.

"Or… Does he?" the Dane suggested gently, his eyebrows rising.

"D'n't… P'sh… Me."

"As arrogant and immature as he is," Lukas began. "You should be glad Mathias was there with him."

"Hey!"

"Well, it's true," the Norwegian shrugged. "He knows his way around, and he kept Tino save. He's home alive, isn't he?"

Berwald took a deep breath, and unclenched his fists. "S'rry," he mumbled. "N't used t' seein' T'no l'ke th't."

"Good, problem solved!" smiled Mathias. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we have some _unfinished business_ to attend to."

Lukas snorted. "Not happening. This is your mess. Go help Berwald."

"What! Seriously?"

"Mhmm."

Mathias groaned, letting his head fall. He sighed and looked up at Berwald, who was waiting in the doorway. "Could you at least let me put some pants on?"

The next morning, Lukas sat quietly at the kitchen table, flipping through a Danish newspaper with a cup of black coffee in his hand. The golden silence was broken by the sound of two pairs of tired feet shuffling into the kitchen.

"Well, well," Lukas teased, watching Mathias and Berwald take their seats at the table. "Little hung-over, boys?"

"Not as much as Tino," Mathias chortled. "He's still sleeping."

Berwald glared at him. "We h've you t' th'nk f'r th't."

Mathias yawned, looking around the kitchen. "Luke, did you make breakfast?"

"Mhmm."

"…Where is it?"

Lukas smirked, and pointed a slender finger to his abdomen. "I'm not making your breakfast. You're a grown man."

"Luuuuukas…"

Just then, Tino sauntered in, still wearing his clothes from the night before. The hair on one side of his head was sticking straight up, and there were red lines across his face from sleeping on the bathroom floor.

"Ah, god morgen*," Lukas said. "I set out a plate for you. There are two aspirin and some fruit beside it."

"Wow, thanks!" Despite his monstrous hangover, Tino was still as chipper as ever.

"Hey, I'm hungover too!" Mathias protested. "How come I didn't get a plate with aspirin?"

Lukas raised an eyebrow and laid down the newspaper. "You didn't spend half the night puking."

"But I spent half the night cleaning it—"

"That wasn't my fault."

"Wait," Tino interrupted, setting his plate of breakfast on the table. "Did I throw up?"

"Yep," Mathias snorted. "A lot."

Tino burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! And you cleaned it up?"

"Yep."

"Hahahaha! That's hilarious!"

"**For pokker": **Another Danish swear.

"**God morgen": **It means "goodmorning" in Norwegian.

And now my story is over! I spent my afternoon writing it, just to get back into the habit of writing. I stopped for about a year, and I just needed a creative outlet. Thank you for reading


End file.
